WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
