Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's blow job season.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
