Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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