i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
