Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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