Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
