Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
