how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
