dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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