So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
