I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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