She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
