I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
