just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
