Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your face is a jimmy john
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
