im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
