yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
