why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
