just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
