Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
