if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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