Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
