I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
