She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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