So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
