I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your penis caused this!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
