Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
