jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
