Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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