Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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