Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
