Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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