Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
