Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
