I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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