Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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