we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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