I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
