I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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