Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
