Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
