I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
