You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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