atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
