Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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