morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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