Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
