fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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