oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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