Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
